I’m OK.

Last night wasn’t good. I was crying and I was afraid and I was incredibly sad. That hasn’t happened for at least two months, which was quite the record for me.

In the midst, I felt a ping of desperate sadness – a specific, familiar, dangerous kind, a feeling I almost thought I left behind. I had the thought: Oh no. It’s coming back. I’m becoming depressed again.

But then, a wise response came: No, Jo. You’re not “becoming depressed again.” You feel this feeling right now. That’s OK. Acknowledge it. Do what it asks of you. Cry. Be scared. Then breathe and get back to what you were doing. 

Let the bad, panicked thoughts enter your head like a visitor, like a bird that accidently flies into a room. Don’t try to keep it. Treat it gently because it’s fragile. Leave all the windows open, so when it’s done flying dizzyingly to and fro, it can leave easily, back outside.

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